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Pop Quell
My grandfather, William Henry Quell (1911-1974), was a seventh grade dropout. He and my grandmother, Esther Marie Quell, raised me. He is the only father figure I’ve ever known, and I gotta tell you, he wasn’t very good at being a dad. He was working all the time! He worked nights, and then he drove school buses during the day. He came home between morning and afternoon bus runs to catch some sleep. But he was always walking out the door with his lunch pail, and I wanted a dad to play catch with me. He didn’t even talk that much. I thought he was, well, stupid.
My grandfather, William Henry Quell (1911-1974), was a seventh grade dropout. He and my grandmother, Esther Marie Quell, raised me. He is the only father figure I’ve ever known, and I gotta tell you, he wasn’t very good at being a dad. He was working all the time! He worked nights, and then he drove school buses during the day. He came home between morning and afternoon bus runs to catch some sleep. But he was always walking out the door with his lunch pail, and I wanted a dad to play catch with me. He didn’t even talk that much. I thought he was, well, stupid.
Only after he had been dead a decade did I realize that English wasn’t his first language; he was urban Pennsylvania Dutch. Pop Quell was a mechanic’s helper at the Reading, Pennsylvania Bus Company. He never made mechanic. He was a barely educated man who struggled to read the evening newspaper and repeated himself frequently when he thought he had said something witty.
Pop Quell wasn’t stupid, rather he was in the purest sense of the word ignorant, meaning he wasn’t well-educated in an academic setting and therefore had limited resources to understand things like American history, politics, literature, art or philosophy. It wasn’t his fault, and it certainly wasn’t due to laziness. William Henry Quell left school at 12 years old to go to work, not just because the family needed extra income, but because that is what working-class boys did in the factory towns during the 1920s. All he wanted out of life was a living wage, decent benefits and a chance to work hard and retire with dignity. And to go fishing in Maryland every summer.
I was moving back to Reading in June of 1974, transferring from Denver, Colo., to a graduate school of theology near home for the second and third years of my seminary education. While I was driving across country, my grandfather died of a heart attack on my 28th birthday, June 10, 1974. He was just shy of 63 and had not survived to collect Social Security.
My grandfather worked two jobs—cleaning city buses by night and driving school buses by day—and I never had a chance to tell him thank you. I realized recently that the reason he was working so hard was to put me through high school, a level that must have seemed like college to him. Now, thanks to his initial investment in my future, I have a doctorate.
As I think about Father’s Day, I am thankful beyond words for all the dads and granddads, all the Pop Quells out there who are holding down multiple jobs to raise kids who will shape the future in ways they could not imagine. Fatherhood, well done, is a shining example of selfless love.
Thomas Shepherd teaches in the Historical and Theological Studies Department of Unity Institute®. Visit his Web site at www.metaphysicaltheology.com.
Comments
Po[p Quell
RevDrTom, Even though you wrote your article quite a while ago, I had to write to you this morning. Thank you, thank you. LOVE IS AN ACTION WORD! Love means to do. From what I'm told, my late grandfather was a hard man, but as he lay dying he said to my aunt, his daughter, "if I had known better, I would have done better". But from all accounts he loved his children, by his actions. They were a Black family in the South, during the 20's and 30's. They never once went without food, always had a home, and a piece of land. LOVE IS AN ACTION WORD!
My late Dad was a "Pop Quell" to me
My late Dad worked the 2nd shift at an IBM manufacturing plant after emigrating from Canada after World War II. He left school to work at a hotel as a bell hop in his early teens and served in the Royal Canadian Navy from 1942-45 on escort ships protecting Allied convoys across the North Atlantic. He worked as a machinist,and though offered management positions he was never able to pass the GED or equivalency exams that IBM offered in-house that would've qualified him.
Working the 2nd shift he was always gone to work before we got home from school all week, so I almost never saw him between Sunday evening through the following Saturday morning.
But, I was able to attend and graduate from college, and I believe my Dad was proud of me for the accomplishment, even if he never actually said so to me.
Strong Silent Types
There was something about the WWII generation that produced alot of men (real) whom Hollywood (unreal) often described as "strong silent types." Pop Quell, who was actually my step-grandfather, never exchangted an affectionate word with me. That wasn't his way. He gave the manner he knew--hard work, steady presence, quiet strength. There are lots of ways to love, and not all of them require the words.
Pop Quell
Thank you, Dr. Shepherd, for sharing your thoughts about your grandfather. My father and grandfathers had some vices I'd rather not mention here; but, while none of them became financially "wealthy," they all taught me good work ethics. My dad enjoyed gardening and was always available to help me with homework. My mom's father was a resourceful fisherman and produced a vegetable garden in the summer that would feed the entire extended family all winter long; and my paternal grandfather had built a home for his family with his very own hands with the help of his two sons. I have a better appreciation of Father's Day today because your article about your grandfather reminded me of the positives within the men in my family. So, thanks again!
Father or Dad
I really appreciated you sharing your humble and vulnerable plight. With that said; What I am taking away from your experience-- is the re-framing of what it really means to parent and the roles & responsibilities therein. Moreover as you implied; the many layers of fatherhood comes with many responsibilities; including being a "Dad". Most often we forget what being a Dad is about? As it can be a one of those thankless jobs of many jobs held by a man how tkae on this idenity. I must say I sincerely respect your candor. What struck me was around the irony of your framing of Pop Quell's; "in the purest sense of the word ignorance". As i continued to read, it occurred to me that this very same purest sense of the word; "ignorance". Was shared by you and your Grandfather! While asserting his ignorance, you also revealed your own. As he did not have access to the resources and information to afford him a better opportunities that life in America had to offer at that time. And you lacked or did not have enough emotional capicty or spiritual direction, teaching or guidance to understanding or the reqiured maturity to humbly see who "Pop" thereby knowing the "truth" about "truth" of who "Pop Quell" really was and why he did NOT do what you felt wanted from a "Father" at theat time. Yet by the grace of God's amazing providence you later discivered that infact "pop" worked tirelessly, (by your account) giving you what he felt you needed to succeed. Strikingly the very things he was quite aware of he lacked and had little to NO access to obtain. The means and resources to afford a life better then he had! So at the end of his short yet poignant, journey along the strange curving highway's of life. As again "irony" would have it he passes and transitions eternally-- on your new "birth"-year day. Wow for me this is a rich example of active divinity by spirit! How life's greatest lesson's --the lesson we have yet to learn and each moment we are present. The importance of taking inventory of each moment we shared and the lessons that where given right in each of them. For it is only when we remain humble- (humble= meaning i am teachable) -in every situation and every moment we can experience the divinity from within right where we are. For me we realize and receive the benefits of the blessing each life's lesson has as a part of my divine inheritance. One of my favorite qoute's; 'it's NOT what you give, it's what you share for the gift without the giver is bare" -jfl. Thank you for sharing a piece of your rich ancestory and journey through the valley of judgement, and conviction and ignorance. I will hold you up in my thoughts and prayers. I greatly appreciate you, and aknowledge the amazing gift you where given and the gernous heart of being willing to share it with us.
In gratitude,
:Shawnnells
Thank You
Pop never wanted a formal education. It wasn't part of his dream. But he moved the family to a part of town where the best public elementary and Jr High schools were located, and by the time I reached high school I had been exposed to the world, to foreign languages, algebra (hated it!), civics and social studies, and British and American literature. Not only that, my schoolmates were the children of doctors, lawyers, teachers and engineers. We lived at the very edge of that school zone, but it made all the difference. Pop was not an affectionate man. Germanic, stoic, hard-working, beer-drinking, vacation fisherman...yes. He walked by his light, and all anyone can do is try to do likewise. I have never said, "I love you," to my grandfather, although I said it frequently to my grandmom. Please understand as I write these words that it is not something easy to consider, since I believe in the power of love. But I did not "love" him the way you're supposed to feel about a father. It was not possible; he didn't want the affection. He wanted respect and to be proud of me. He was not a stern disciplinarian, but a kind man somewhat confused by modern life and unable to express deep feelings in words. So I look to what he did for me, and know that he loved me the only way he knew how. And it was good enough....way good enough. When I hear church people throwing the word love around with impunity, I sometimes wonder if it has not lost its meaning. Love isn't a feeling, it's an act of will. Love is a decision to get up and go to work because you have promises to keep. Love is finding the best schools for your step-grandson, even though you dropped out at the age of twelve to work in the factories. There are many faces of love, and it is not always found by listening to words....love is a verb.