Thanks

Unity changed my life. Period. Unity expanded me, guided me to other writers and teachers whom I've integrated into my Unity life, and the result is joyous.
--Skip Broussard

I have the opportunity to participate in a dystunctional family reunion the 1st week of August. It will be my 3 half siblings (1 brother and 2 sisters) I know it is the right thing for me to do because it scares the bejeezus out of me. I come from a complicated family where I am the product of the 2nd marriage and my birth basically "sealed the deal" Our mother's 1st marriage was to a charismatic, charming, brilliant self medicating bi-polar who probably molested their eldest daughter. The new "family" never gelled. The eldest girl hated her new dad (and me) from the get-go. A couple of years after the marriage, she was diagnosed as being a sociopath (around age 10) The son was diagnosed at 18 as being bi polar and the middle girl became a fundamentalist at 16. Flash forward. Eldest son now 62 is living in a group home (after repeatedly destroying his life) and eldest daughter is turning 60 and wants to rent a cabin for us all for 3 days. Which brings me to why I'm writing this missive. I have been going to Unity for 20+ years and have made much progress in growth and healing, however... I find that I still carry alot of resentment to the eldest sister for having been verbally abusive, hateful to me as an infant, young child and an overall toxic disturbance to our family. She has no idea of the harm she has caused and I question whether she has (because of her diagnosis) the ability to understand. I see this uncomfortable situation as an opportunity to heal some lingering wounds and welcome input on how best to voice my wounds (I think that's necessary?) and heal the pain and low self esteem that is still lingering. Thank you for your input.
 

Hi, I'm Tom Thorpe, a Unity minister and faculty member in Unity Institute's Spiritual Education and Enrichment program.  I read your post and I'm moved to respond.  You/ve been invited to be share a weekend in close contact with family members whose words and actions inflicted great pain on you when you were still very young.  
 
One of  life's greatest frustrations is finding peace with wounds and hurtful treatment inflicted by someone who was not in possesssion of his/her full faculties at the time s/he abused us.  You are quite right to question whether your sister has the ability, because of her diagnosis as a sociopath, to understand the effect her words and actions had on you.  If she is truly a sociopath, she is incapable, on the human level, of feeling any remorse for what she did. Any attempt to help her understand what YOU experienced will likely not only be a waste of your and her time.  It will also bring the painful feelings to the forefront of YOUR consciousness, where you will experience the pain all over again.
 
If you are not already in therapy with a competent psychologist or psychiatrist, I suggest very strongly that you take that step immediately, BEFORE attending the family reunion.  You are dealing with pain that requires professional help to heal.  As you speak of that pain in your message, it is clear that healing work remains for you.  Therapy can be considered an "action step" to our prayer work, a very helpful tool to help us on our path.
 
Let me suggest, also, that you engage in a regular practice of "beholding the Christ" in your sister and in all members of your family.  All humans live in the relative world of time and space where we have our human experience.  There is another dimension to every person, however, the spiritual dimension which metaphysicians call the Absolute, where we live in a state of perfection that has never been anything less than Whole.  We access that Absolute dimension in prayer and especially in meditation.  FROM that awareness of Wholeness we can behold the unspoiled Wholeness of any other person.  We can rest in a knowing of this Truth about them.  SOMETIMES this knowing begins to show up in the relative world.  We can't guarantee that this will happen.  Some conditions remain beyond our understanding.  We CAN know, however, that our beholding the Wholeness of any person can only do hiim/her good.
 
You will be giving your sister and all of your family member a courageous gift if you make a regular practice of beholding the Christ in them.   There is a Sanskrit word which means "The Divinity within me beholds the Divinity within you."  The word is NAMASKAR.  I've found that silently holding the consciousness of NAMASKAR for even a second or two when I think of a person is a powerful way for me to bless them, and also to keep my own consciousness at its highest possible level.  
 
Remember that the abuse you received from your family members is not the Absolute Truth about them, and that being a victim of abuse is not the Absolute Truth about you.  In Truth you are nothing less than an expression of God.  So is your sister and so is every member of your family.